Someone referred to last night as my debut. It took myself and two translators to figure out the word because debut in Spanish is not a common or easy word.
Last night myself and a few other musicians hosted a after hours worship night at a cafe that is an extension of the church. This meant I got to lead worship and sing over people. You have no idea how much my whole entire being was craving this. I know God created me to worship and to bring people into His presence. However, for about a year in a half I have been completely detached from the actual worship leader role. God put me in the back rows. And it was good. I have had so much time to just be in His presence, and that’s never a bad place to be. He taught me to fill myself and then give of what He has given me. I’ve also learned how to receive and give, all at once. But my heart was craving last night.
And even though my heart was yearning for this time, there was still a fear of real rejection. In February I auditioned for the worship team, and they told me no. It was the first time my voice had been rejected, and it stung me to the core. They told me my Spanish singing was not up to par. So going into a worship gig, knowing that just nine months ago you were not good enough, it is a bit terrifying. This hit me Wednesday evening. Wednesday morning I did not go to work because of some stomach bug. Thursday I missed a roomies trip because of the stomach bug. Thursday my sweet friend also encouraged me plentifully and I found myself pleading to God to restore my confidence. Worship is where I run to. Worship is what my spirit does naturally. Jesus just had to draw me into it without fear of rejection. And He did. He’s never going to reject our praises. Friday at 4:30 I arrived st the venue to start putting our stage together, do sound checks, etc. The excitement was coursing through me. I had the stillness of God in each side of me.
An hour in a half before the show, sweet friend Geraldine showed up wearing a shirt. Not just any shirt. A shirt with my face, surrounded by a yellow tutu, reading “I am a sunflower”. Why is she so freaking amazing? I can’t explain how phenomenal she is and how crazy blessed I am to call me my friend. I often wonder if this friendship is the particular reason Jesus told me to come to Medellín. I’m not looking for a specific reason, but I think Gera makes a pretty good one. Preworship, she pulled me aside and her and the roomies laid hands on me and prayed. Gera prayed in Spanish and I understood pretty much every word, which is always exciting. Her words laid my heart open for what God had and washed me with readiness. And then we began.
It was a room full of people ready to be filled. We started with Océanos [Oceans] and continued from there. I got to do two of my current favorite English songs as well. I am always blown away at how powerful God is; He transcends language and can usher a room full of Spanish speaking people into His presence with English words. He’s so good. And I wasn’t ever worried about how I sounded. My entire focus was on praising the Creator for how awesome He is. Not a “wow, so cool!” awesome, but more of a speechless, without words awesome. The kind that literally stuns you into awe.
Without writing too many more words, that was last night. I’m a sunflower and I have fans and God did a masterpiece of a work last night.
Thank you so much to my sweet pals who came to worship with me and support me, you mean more than the moon and the stars to me.